Divorced and Rising

I thought I’d never feel happy again.  My experience was not a good one. Due in part to my own mindset: unable to let go of my concept of the nuclear family and my fear of the future.

I couldn’t get over the loss of my family structure and my family home, on which I placed so much of my identity.  Losing my future too was something that I clung to in misery for a very long time.  Later on, understanding and then accepting the concept that it was only an imagined future definitely helped me move forward.  All the loss had to be grieved, and at that time envisioning a new future and finding a new direction seemed impossible.

But when the wallowing, crying, and hopelessness reached ridiculous levels where I was even boring myself, I realised something had to change.

Divorced and Rising

I’d tried so many different things to feel better.  Traditional therapy, energy healing, hypnosis… you name it, I’ve probably tried it.  My background as a health coach also stopped me from hitting rock bottom, but it still wasn’t enough and I was in need of something more for my mindset.  I came across Positive Psychology and signed up for a coaching course hoping this might be the way to change my perspective and improve my mood.  Positive Psychology is the science of thriving and it focuses on what’s working instead of what needs fixing, which is what initially attracted me to it. But I got so much more out of it than I expected!  As well as learning how to build optimism and resilience, there was an amazing increase in my self-belief and sense of direction.

Did you know that only approx 10% of happiness is based on circumstance? This was one of the first facts which motivated and pushed me – I owed it to my children as well as myself.  I always focused on the losses, they were all I could see.  Or all I was letting myself see…  Discovering that, even if we’re not the most naturally happy of people, it’s scientifically proven that we can build on our happiness and mental wellbeing, gave me the hope that I could change the way I felt.

Here are some of the things that have helped me move from a crying, hopeless wreck to being someone confident in her abilities and quite often even excited about the future! And I’m proud of how much I’ve changed.

• Prioritise your happiness, boost your resilience
• Nourish your body to impact your mood
• Seek a balanced perspective
• Keep connecting
• Re-find your values and take back your control

I’ll write more about these next time.  See you there!

Oh, before you go: