Divorced & Rising: 5 steps to your comeback after separation

Here are 5 things that have helped me feel better about myself, take back control and prove there is a comeback after separation.

1. Prioritise your happiness, boost your resilience

Research shows that one negative event per day can be 3-5 times more powerful than one positive event. In tough times, finding the things that make you feel good is crucial. Experiencing positive emotions short-circuits stress and builds physical and psychological resources which increases resilience.

Try writing down things that make you smile, and activities that make you feel good.  What do you enjoy doing and want to do more of?  Then identify ways to experience more of these each day.

I love walking in the woods with friends, listening to motivating podcasts; a 5-minute morning meditation.  Simple things make a difference.

2. Nourishing your body impacts your mood

Even if you don’t want to eat, or you’re emotionally over-eating, do consider this one.  It’s not just about looking good. Eating well benefits your mind too.  Approx. 90% of your body’s serotonin – the ‘happy hormone’ – is produced in the gut, so you need to eat ‘real’ food to help your digestive system do its job.  It doesn’t have to be perfect, just try thinking about one better choice you can make.

For me, starting off as best I could was so important in setting the tone for the rest of the day.  The better I nourished myself in the morning, the more chance there was that I’d manage to look after myself more throughout the day.

3. Seek a balanced perspective

Positive psychology is not about ignoring the negative, it is about seeking out the positives to form a balanced perspective on your life. Nothing is ever all bad or all good, but as we are inherently biased to seeing the negative, we need to work at also finding the good that is happening in our lives.

Use gratitude.  Yes, gratitude’s everywhere these days, but there’s a reason for that! It’s been shown to reduce stress and tension, help improve low mood states, boost physical health and aid sleep.

The more you think about the good things, the more you see of them and the more you find real positives in the tiny moments of your life. When you wake up, or before bed, or both, take one minute to think of 3 things you’re grateful for, no matter how small. 

4. Keep connecting

At these times the overwhelm can make it preferable to hide yourself away, but as humans we need to belong.

Call a friend or find a new community or even just one person who understands what you’re going through.

Or start by seeking out micro-interactions, like sharing a smile or kind word with a neighbour, a barista, or a colleague. These seemingly small interactions can have a profound impact on your mood and outlook.

We need other people and it’s so important to have a good support network around you at this time. 

5. Re-find your values to rebuild an aligned life

Personal values act as a compass that guide your decisions, actions and behaviour, thereby shaping your future. After divorce your life may change drastically, and so may your values. Re-evaluating them can provide a clearer perspective on what is truly meaningful to you, fostering a sense of purpose and direction and helping you regain your control.

What are the character traits that make you the best you?  What behaviours are important to you? Take a few minutes to brainstorm what makes you proud of being you.

I hope this helps you to see there is a comeback after separation.  And if you’ve been there too, I would love to know has helped or is helping you through.

Oh, before you go: